It's not in our hands
by Everythingistaken
Summary: Ty and Amy had dreams, they had plans and hope. They did their best to make it work and yet had to face that some things are just not in our hands. Suddenly everything that seemed so important before and things that appeared so certain start to shake. And suddenly its not a question of how they'll make it work but if they'll make it work at all. I do not own the characters.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Ty didn't know what to do. He looked at his wife and wasn't sure whether he would ever see the love in her eyes again. He wasn't even sure if she would ever talk to him again. And he wasn't blaming her. He tried to make the right decision and still he felt like their tragedy wasn't punishment enough.

Amy kept staring at the ceiling, no word has escaped her mouth ever since she has woken up. Tears had been rolling down her cheeks but other then that she might as well be still asleep with her eyes open.

They say that these things need time.

They say that everyone griefs different.

They say that these things need time... But how much time is too much?

**6 Months before **

Amy looked at her children and once again couldn't believe how fast time had been flying. Her baby twins Maylin and Jase grew up so fast that school was just one year away from them. It still seemed like yesterday when Amy found out that she was pregnant, that she was expecting twins. It seemed like yesterday when Amy and Ty said their vows and moved into their beautiful own house right at the center of Heartland. It seemed like yesterday that Ty graduated from vet-school and partnered up with Scott. It seemed like yesterday when Amy and Ty decided to build an indoor riding hall for Amy to train and a new seemed like yesterday when Amy hired Mallory and Tina, a new stable hand, because they couldn't handle all that work alone.

It all seemed like yesterday and still it was all years ago.

„Amy? Amy!" Ty tried to get his wife's attention.

„Sorry, what were you saying?" Amy snapped out of her daydream.

"Are you OK?" Ty asked.

They were sitting at their dining table, the kids were already in bed and the couple was enjoying the peaceful quiet over a glass of wine and a beer.

"It has been two years, Ty", Amy sighted.

"Oh honey, it'll happen when it's supposed to happen. Don't stress yourself out so much."

"Aren't you unhappy about it at all? Maybe we should go see a doctor again after all."  
>"Amy, we had May and Jase without any help. If we get you pregnant again then I promise it will happen without a doctor poking around my beautiful wife. Just stop worrying, it can't work if you don't stop thinking about babies all the time."<p>

"That's what you keep saying and still nothing is happening. I just want this so much..."  
>"I know", Ty said and took Amy's hand in his and gently stroke over the back of her hand, "but we are blessed with two wonderful children – don't forget that. Please, stop stressing out about this."<p>

"I'm not stressing. I'm... wishing", Amy defended herself.

"Then stop taking a pregnancy test every hour", Ty tried to joke but failed.

"Fine", Amy sighted even though they both new she wouldn't stop stressing.

"So, what were you saying?" Amy asked and so Ty told her about his day.

One house further along Jack and Lisa were already lying in bed, with their books in their hands, ready to drift of to sleep. Jack was not getting younger but still wouldn't let the work around Heartland go and stuck to his routine of getting up early, taking care of the farm, the family and the animals. Lisa and he had to figure out how to join each others routines of life but had managed to compromise and most days couldn't be better for them.

Lou, Peter, Katie and Georgie were still living at Fairfield and Lisa was glad that family was keeping the mansion in order. Even though she still owned Fairfield it didn't feel like that house belonged to her anymore and fully accepted the changes Peter and Lou had made.

Lou's business' were all up and running and Peter had found work near by so that he wouldn't have to travel all the time anymore.

And Tim... Well, Tim had created a whole new way of living for himself. He was in a long-term relationship with Julia Campbell, a successful show-jumping trainer that lived only a couple of miles away from Heartland.

The beautiful blonde has finally accepted that she had fallen in love with Tim, the most self-centered, self-righteous cowboy of all times and was still thinking about his suggestion to move in together. Jack still couldn't understand what that woman found in his ex-son-in-law and had to remind himself that his own daughter had fallen for him many years ago. He did admit that Tim had his good sides though.

The next day started and the Borden family gathered around for breakfast. Even though Amy had decided to keep her name she and Ty had decided that the kids should only have one last name and so they chose for them to live as Borden's.

Maylin and Jase had recently decided to dress themselves without the help of their parents and since the day they have started every day was a new surprise.

Today Maylin had decided to go to kindergarten in a pretty blue knee-long dress with little white butterflies on it, a pink and yellow striped leggings underneath it and – riding boots!  
>"Honey, are you sure you want to go to kindergarten in your boots? Don't you think they'll get in the way while playing?" Amy asked her daughter as she looked at her eye-hurting colorful outfit of the day.<br>"Nope Mom, I think they are just fine. You never now whether there might be a horse crossing you way", Maylin responded in a very serious voice.

"That's stupid, there are no horses at kindergarten", Jase grunted.

"Jase, don't be mean", Ty said but couldn't help himself and smiled. Maylin was SO much like her mother. She was just as stubborn, just as strong-willed as Amy.

"Do you still think this is a good idea?" Amy whispered laughing to her husband.  
>"Yeaaah, sure. I mean, nobody get's hurt by them walking around looking like... that. We want them to be themselves – it's just a phase", Ty laughed.<p>

Jase was dressed in his usual little cowboy outfit and looked very much like a mini Ty and like a mini Jack and like a mini Tim (Amy couldn't decide who he looked like most).

"Okay you two, lets get going", Ty said and moments later he dropped of the twins and drove to the clinic.

Amy used the time without her family in the house to clean up the biggest mess' and changed into her working clothes. When she stood in the bathroom, looking at her full box of tampons she couldn't stop herself from counting back.

Could it be? No it couldn't! She just made a pregnancy test yesterday. She just talked with Ty about it. But the tests can be wrong. 99% - that's definitely not a 100%.

There was so much work to do, so many horses to train and to look after but Amy couldn't wait. She rushed to the drug store, bought a new test, a liter of orange juice which she drank on the way back home and immediately rushed into the bathroom. Five minutes later Jack heard a loud scream coming from his granddaughters house. He dropped the bucked he was carrying and rushed to the front door.  
>"AMY? EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?" he yelled through the house.<p>

"Grandpa", Amy screamed back and ran downstairs where he stood with the test in her hands.

"NO!" Grandpa gasped, already knowing what was going on.  
>"YES", Amy laughed with tears of happiness in her eyes.<p>

Jack pulled her into a bear-hug and whispered: "Congratulations, honey. You deserve it so much!"

"I can't wait to tell Ty", Amy smiled.

_Wow, already a new storyline... But I had this "Idea" and I couldn't wait to start and then I couldn't wait to share the first couple of words...  
>For those of you who haven't read my story "Future in our hands": It's not necessary to do so in order to keep up with this story but of course it would make me happy if you would take a look. This Fanfiction has nothing to do with the new season that has just started (And not very satisfying if I may say so - Ahmed kissing Amy? We could sooo foresee that! And Lou making such a fuss about Lisa? Isn't even Lou over that?! Urgh!)<em>

_Feel free to comment, criticize and to express any wishes you might have.  
><em>


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

After Jack promised Amy not to tell a soul about her pregnancy – especially not Lisa – she had started working with a new horse that would not tolerate being indoor. The mare would brake out in panic by the sight of a stable or an indoor riding hall so Amy had her hands full for the next couple of hours. Having worked for Ahmed had given her career a big push – Amy's name was well known in and around Canada and clients came from the USA in order to give their horses their best chance to improve.

But nevertheless Heartland was still the same as it used to be, it had grown and might be more modern in some ways but the soul was still traditionally and most importantly it had the calm and peaceful vibe that the horses needed in order to change for the better.

When Amy walked into the office to phone a couple of clients it hit her again: She really was pregnant.

_Ty won't be expecting this, _she thought with the phone in her hand, _especially not after tonight. He will think that I'm kidding. I could call him... Or better yet drive over there. But he might not have time... Maybe I'll tell him tonight... Or..., _her mind kept rambling until her phone started buzzing.

After Amy was done with the paper work it was already time to pick the kids up from kindergarten. Ty and Amy had decided to let them have half of the day at home since their was always someone around that will be watching them and they did have the most wonderful environment to grow up in – but on the other hand shouldn't miss the opportunity to socialize before going to school.

"So, how was your day?" Amy asked as Maylin and Jase were buckled up and Amy started the car.

"OK", Jase answered while munching his donut Amy has bought before.

"Mommy, why aren't you driving home?" Maylin interrupted Jase.

"Because there is something we need to pick up before."  
>"What do we need to pick up?" Jase asked curiously.<p>

"You'll see", Amy smiled and parked the car in front of a copy shop. The shop assitant handed Amy a paper-bag and moments later all three were on their way home.  
>"Pleaseee Mom, can we see what's in the bag now?" Maylin kept begging.<p>

"No May, lets wait until we get home, OK?" Amy said for the 100th time – she wanted to see their reaction.

They just walked through the door when the twins dropped their bags on the floor and stood in front of their mother.

"Okay, I'm gonna show you now but you need to promise not to tell ANYONE until we tell daddy, ok?" Amy said.

"Pinky-promise", Maylin promised and held her tiny pinky in front of her.

"Pinky-promise!" Jase joined in and so did Amy who tried her best not to laugh.

"All right then", Amy pulled two T-Shirts out of the bag: "Can you read this?"  
>"Uhm...", Maylin said and squinted her eyes.<br>"It says: Big br", Jase said and then took a moment until he understood what was written on the shirt in his hands: "Big brother. It says big brother. Does that mean I'm older then Maylin?"  
>"Nope, you know you two are the same age", Amy laughed.<br>"Then what does it mean?" Maylin asked.

"It means that daddy and I are having another baby and that you two are going to have a baby brother or sister", Amy smiled.  
>"Really?!", Maylin beamed, "I ALWAYS wanted to have a baby sister. That is so cool!"<br>"It better be twins so that I can have a baby brother", Jase jumped in, finding the idea of having a little buddy not bad at all.

"So, where is the baby now?" Jase asked, looking at his mother.

"It's in my belly", Amy explained.  
>"But what is it doing there?" Maylin asked.<p>

_Oh boy... _Amy thought, knowing that it was time for a talk.

"How about daddy and I tell you all about the baby later? Because first I need you to do me a very big favor..."

Ty had an unstressed day and decided to get home early to check some horses Amy had asked him to look at.

First he walked into the house to see if anyone was home.  
>"Hello?" he called while still standing in the door frame of the front door.<p>

"Daddyyyy is home", Jase screamed through the house as if Amy was deaf.

"Remember what we talked about, OK?" Amy whispered and her twins nodded. Together they left the playroom and greeted Ty.

"Hey you", Ty smiled at the sight of his family.

"How was your day?" Amy asked.

"Uneventful. I came early to check out those horses you talked about last night", Ty answered.

"That's great, thank you", Amy smiled.

"So, how about your day? Anything new?" Ty asked all three of them.

Maylin and Jase shook their head but nothing could hide their humungous smiles.

"What are you smiling at then?" Ty asked laughing. They both shrugged their shoulders and once more Amy was astonished by their similar gesture.

"Before you get our", Amy interrupted the, "we have a little surprise for you, right kids?" Amy said.  
>Maylin and Jase nodded.<p>

"Really? A surprise?" Ty asked, raising his eyebrows, "what could that be?"  
>"Maybe the ice-cream-machine we saw last week", Jase said with a big grin.<br>"Really, huh?" Ty smiled unsure about what was expecting him. Surprises of his children weren't always the best surprises, like the one time he found his boots filled with frogs.

"Why don't you show your daddy the shirts you got today?" Amy asked and so Maylin and Jase took of their pullovers they have been wearing over their shirts.

Maylin's said: Big sister and Jase's of course: Big brother.

Ty stared at the twins. Then he stared at Amy and back at the twins.  
>"What?" he whispered.<br>"Yeah", Amy whispered back, tears threatening to drown her eyes.

"Oh my gosh", Ty whispered again, "No way... NO WAY!" and pulled Amy into an hectic embrace.  
>"But how?" he whispered into her ear.<br>Amy laughed: "Well, that's exactly what your kids have asked."

"Are you sure?"

"I took four tests. I'm pretty sure... But we'll have to wait for the doctor's appointment to be a hundred percent sure."  
>"But you took a test yesterday, right? And it was negative?"<br>"Yeah, I suppose it was wrong", Amy smiled.

"I can't believe this. You are really pregnant. YOU ARE PREGNANT, oh my god, WE ARE HAVING A BABY", now Ty totally flipped, first he swung Jase in the air and then Maylin, "WE ARE HAVING A BABY!"  
>Amy looked at her husbands little freak show, her children bursting out in laughter and couldn't be happier herself.<br>"Now you need to tell us what the baby is doing in mama's belly", Jase demanded.

"Ooookay", Ty said and together they sat down in the living room where Maylin and Jase got to know everything the needed to know for now.

After Maylin and Jase were free to play outside Ty looked at his wife in awe.

"What?" Amy asked, confused by his looks.

"I can't believe we are finally doing this again", Ty admitted.  
>"I know. Me neither", Amy smiled.<p>

But they did.

A couple of days later Amy and Ty sat in the waiting room of Amy's Doctor Dr. Wild.

"Are you nervous?" Amy laughed after she noticed Ty's trembling legs.

"No, why would I? Are you?" Ty declined.

Amy lay a hand on Ty's leg and said: "It's going to be fine. Yes, I'm nervous too. But really, we don't have a reason to be, right?"  
>"Right", Ty finally smiled again.<p>

"Mrs Fleming? Dr. Wild is ready for you", the doctor's assistant said and Amy got up.

"Are you coming?" Amy asked Ty who was still sitting.  
>"You want me to come in?" Ty wasn't expecting that even though he had no idea what he was expecting. The pregnancy with the twins had started out so different.<br>"Of course", Amy smiled.

"Good to see you again", Dr. Wild greeted the couple. She had been by Amy's side during her last rather complicated pregnancy and was always happy to see her as a healthy mother.

After they talked about the facts Amy was prepared for the ultrasound.

"So, lets see if there is someone hiding in there", Dr Wild smiled and seconds later her smile got wider.  
>"Here it is. Look at that – that's where your baby is. You can't see it yet, it's a bit too early."<br>"Oh my good, it's so tiny", Ty beamed.

"Is it ok?" Amy asked.

"Yes, everything seems to be fine."  
>"And it's only one?" Ty asked.<p>

Dr Wild laughed out loud: "I can't tell yet. You can see twins from the sixth week of pregnancy. Your pregnancy is pretty early though, I would say you are just five weeks along."

"Really?"  
>"Yes. Is that a surprise?"<br>"We have tried for so long that I did pregnancy tests all the time. They were always negative", Amy explained.  
>"Well, pregnancy tests are pretty good these days but maybe you were out of luck. The tests can be negatively false if taken too early and your HCG-level is to low, there are a couple of reasons why it could have been negative. BUT you are definitely pregnant again - congratulations", Dr Wild smiled.<p>

"Do you want to tell the others?" Ty asked as he held the practice door open for his wife who stepped outside.

"I don't know. It's so early, I'm scared something might happen."

"Don't even dare thinking like that. And if I may say: IF something may happen, which is not going to happen, everyone will find out anyhow."

"True. Gosh, I'm so exited!"  
>"No kidding. And I love that May and Jase are just as happy, when I checked if they were sleeping last night they lay in their beds, chatting about all the things they were going to do with their sister or brother."<p>

"We are so blessed", Amy smiled.

"Yes, yes we are."

Amy couldn't wrap her head around it: She has been so unhappy about not getting pregnant for years, doubting herself, thinking about her empty womb as some kind of karma because she was so shocked in the first few weeks of her first pregnancy.

And now, days after her last frustrating pregnancy test everything has changed. She had been pregnant all along.

As it turned out, Amy and Ty talking about how to tell everyone else was unnecessary. When they got home they saw their son and daughter running around the stable showing their shirts to everyone that got in their way babbling about how they were going to be the best big brother and sister in the world.

"Oh gosh", Amy sighted.  
>"Relax honey", Ty laughed and opened the car door for her.<p>

"How are you always so relaxed about the chaos our children are making?" Amy asked only half joking.  
>"Well, everybody knows that that is the mothers fault", Ty laughed landing himself a slap on the arm.<p>

"Is it true?" Lou came running out of the office towards Amy and Ty.  
>"Yes", Amy smiled, "We just came back from the doctor's."<p>

"Oh my god, congratulations, finally!" Lou pulled Amy in for a hug and then hugged Ty.

"That is so great", she said, "we need to celebrate this. Tonight, at Fairfield, I'll cook, you only have to come to our place", Lou demanded.

"Lou, I", Amy tried to protest but of course she didn't have a choice.

So, later that day everyone gathered around at Fairfield and celebrated the new life and the new family member that they would be meeting soon enough.

_Hello everyone, first of all I would like to thank you for your reviews: _  
><em>JPNIghtRUn: Sharp as always but I'm glad you are still with us for this sequel<em>  
><em>GKB: Thank you for reviewing and just as hedelmakarkki25 I hope you are happy with the way Amy told Ty about her pregnancy<em>  
><em>LK: I'm glad you like it! And most importantly thank you so much for telling me that you weren't able to see the story on the Heartland page, I never would have noticed! <em>

_Then I would like to say that I do not get any inspiration out of other stories that are uploaded on . Since I have searched for my story on the official side I have seen that there are many stories that seem similar to this one but I hope I won't bore you and that nobody feels swindled. i just felt like it's appropriate to get that out here :) _

_As some of you have noticed this story isn't going to be all fluffy and fairy-tale, especially from chapter 3 or 4, I'm not exactly sure about when, just so that you are warned. It is a very sensitive topic, so please stay as kind as you always are._

_Take care you all and don't forget to leave a quick review. _


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

* * *

><p>The first three most critical months of Amy's pregnancy went by fast. The morning sickness past, Amy and Ty got over being overly worried about the baby and Maylin and Jase were finally allowed to tell everyone they wanted to tell that they were going to have a baby sibling.<p>

Amy just got out of the shower and dried herself of when she looked at herself in the mirror. She had hated looking at herself after the twins were born and was finally happy with her body's shape again. Now there was a teeny tiny baby bump showing. She gently lay a hand over her stomach and whispered: "Hey baby. Hope you are all comfy in there. Your daddy and I can't wait to meet you."  
>Amy was so in thought that she didn't notice that Ty was watching her from the door frame.<p>

"True. Almost half a year left until we finally will", he said smiling, walking towards Amy.

Amy turned around: "Ty, you almost gave me a heart attack. I thought you were outside with the kids." She wrapped a towel around her body.

"I was but Jack was going to see if the cattle has calved and I couldn't keep up with that. Hey, don't do that", he laughed when he noticed that Amy covered her body with the towel.

"Why?" Amy asked smiling.  
>"Because I simply can't get enough from be beautiful wife", he said, kissed her neck and slowly let the towel drop to the ground.<p>

* * *

><p>Later that day Amy's pregnancy has left a mark on Lou's family as well.<p>

"So, Amy and Ty are having a third child, when are you going to have another one?" Katie asked her parents as they sat down around the table for dinner. She was nine now and looked very much like her mother. She had the same long brown slightly curled hair, the brown eyes that could melt hearts after Peter's opinion.  
>"Why do you want us to have a third child?" Peter asked laughing.<p>

"I don't know. Why not? We have plenty of rooms, like five left. And you have money, right? And Georgie and I would be really good sisters, right?"  
>Georgie nodded with her mouth full with noodles.<p>

Lou just laughed: "Well, dream on honey. One day you can have as many children as you want."

"But I don't want a child, I want a little sister", Katie wouldn't let go.

"You know, I always wanted a younger brother too. But I'm going to be forty years old soon and I never wanted to be an old dad", Peter said, trying to stop Katie's ideas.  
>"That's not old. I have classmates who's parents are much older."<p>

"Drop it, Kate", Lou demanded and started to take the dirty dishes in the kitchen.

Later then night when the girls have disappeared in their rooms and Peter and Lou sat on the couch watching TV Peter picked up the theme again: "Well... It would be fun, wouldn't it?"

"What?" Lou asked without taking her eyes of the TV.  
>"You know – having another baby."<br>"What, you are calling changing diapers, wiping spit up and sleepless nights fun now?" Lou laughed, not really taking her husband serious.

"I'm serious", Peter said.  
>"Come on Peter, we just got everything in order, the girls are doing great, our careers are doing great. Why screw all that up for a sudden idea of our daughter?"<p>

"It's not a sudden idea. We just never talked about this."

"Well, Peter, are you saying that you want another baby?"  
>"I don't know. I haven't thought about it in a while but don't you think it might be worth thinking about it one more time."<br>"Okay", Lou gave in sighting.  
>"Okay", Peter smiled and kissed his wife.<p>

* * *

><p>"Ty?" Amy called threw the stable, looking for her husband.<p>

"I'm here", he answered from the tackle room.

"So, I have been wondering", Amy started talking before she even got to him, "which room would be best for the little one."  
>"And did you make a choice?"<p>

"Yes", Amy answered smiling, loving that he already knew exactly that he had no say in this.

"I'd like to take the room right next to our bedroom", Amy said.  
>"I like that. I always thought about having a new baby in there someday", Ty admitted.<p>

"So, can we drive into town in the next couple of days? I'd really like to start looking for furniture."  
>"Are you having the nesting syndrome?" Ty joked.<br>"Well, you know, we didn't choose May's and Jase's cribs and I would really like to decorate this nursery", Amy explained.  
>"Of course we can."<br>"Great", Amy smiled, kissed Ty and then said: "So, I'll get to work. Do you have to drive over to the clinic again today?""  
>"No, Scott is there, I'm all yours today."<br>"Even better! Maybe we can go for a ride with the twins?"  
>"Sounds great. Call me when you are done?"<br>"I will."  
>"Be careful."<br>"Yes, dad", Amy smiled and walked out of the room.

* * *

><p>Weeks past again and after working with a couple of horses Amy had a moment to herself. Ty and Jack took Maylin and Jase to an auction, Mallory and Tina had taken two horses out for a ride and it was awfully quiet around Heartland. A weird feeling crept over Amy and anxiety started to overcome her.<p>

She quickly took the car keys and drove to the only place Amy wanted to be at that time. Minutes later she kneed down in front of Marion's grave, stroking leaves away.

"Hey mom. Can't believe it's been such a long time I was here. I'm sorry. But I'm thinking about you all the time. Ty and I are having another baby, mom. Can you believe it? We have been so blessed, our life is so good. I wanted this baby so bad and I can't wait for it to be here. But right now I feel like everything is going to change again after we fought so hard to get to this point. I don't want things to change and yet I want this baby so much. Maylin and Jase are so happy, I wish you could see them running around, telling everybody that I'm pregnant. Oh mom, I miss you", Amy sighted, wishing for the 1000th time that her mother was still there with her. But time had helped. Years ago Amy would had wept at that point but today she smiled sadly, lay down a bouquet of flowers she bought before and drove back to the barn where her life was waiting.

* * *

><p>"Amy, hey", Lisa greeted her when she got out of the car.<p>

"Hey Lisa", Amy waved.

"How are things going? Look at you, you look amazing", Lisa smiled.  
>"Yeah... Things are good actually, Ty and I have started to decorate the nursery. That makes it so much more real."<br>"How far along are you now exactly?" Lisa asked.  
>"Exactly twenty-one weeks now", Amy beamed.<p>

"Unbelievable! Half-time is over, hm?"  
>"I can't believe it myself. Ty and I are getting the nursery done already, I forgot how tiny everything needed to be when they get born. I could keep on buying baby clothes all day."<br>"Well, that I fully understand", Lisa laughed, "I was going on a ride with Joey, wanna join me?" Lisa asked.

"Yeah, sure", Amy smiled.

A while later the two woman sat on their horses, leaving Heartland behind them.

"Last time I was pregnant and we rode together it ended really bad", Amy remarked, "I can't believe it has been six years."  
>"I know", Lisa agreed, "it's scary how fast time is flying. But is has been a good time, right?"<br>"Yes, it has. Sometimes I wake up and can't believe how good our life has turned out. Having this baby now after all that time trying is like the cherry on top", Amy smiled.  
>"Nobody deserves it more than you, Amy", Lisa said.<br>"Thank you."  
>They rode in silence for a while until Amy asked: "Can I ask you something personal, Lisa?"<br>"Of course."  
>"I have always wondered why you have no children. I mean, you are so great with the kids and you were married with Dan..."<br>"Ah, yes", Lisa laughed quietly, having heard that question a lot of time. She barely ever answered it truthfully, always saying that it just never happened, what wasn't exactly a lie.

"Well. At sometime I did have children."  
>"What?"<br>"I was pregnant. Once", Lisa started to tell.  
>"What happened?"<br>"I was pregnant with twins, just like you were. But I lost them. The first very early in the pregnancy and my little girl Sophia died because she was born too early. That's also the real reason why Dan and I broke up. We just couldn't make it work and he got the way he... he still is today."  
>"Wow, Lisa, I'm so, so sorry."<br>"It's okay. It really is. All of that happened so many years ago that I sometimes don't even think about it as a tragedy anymore. I know Sophia would have been brilliant and she was the most beautiful little baby girl."  
>"But still... That's so sad", Amy admitted.<p>

"Please Amy, don't feel bad about this. I, uhm, I don't like talking about this and I would appreciate if you would keep if to yourself?" Lisa asked.

"Of course. Does Grandpa now?" Amy asked, curiously.

"Yes, he does. You know he knows all about loosing a daughter", Marion smiled sadly and then changed the theme: "So, lets enjoy this ride before we get home where we will be swallowed by the chaos again."

* * *

><p>That night when Amy got ready for bed Ty lay a little gift package beside her on the sink.<p>

"Whats that?" Amy asked, putting away her toothbrush.

"For you."  
>"Ty Borden, what did you do?"<br>"Nothing! Can't a husband give his wife a present without having screwed up?"  
>"I don't know. Can he?"<br>"Let's find out", Amy laughed and opened the ribbon. Inside the box she found a beautiful shamrock charm.

When Amy was pregnant with the twins Ty had given her a beautiful bracelet with two shamrocks that now had Maylin's and Jase's names engraved.  
>"Well, if there is number three on the way, we better be prepared", Ty smiled and added the charm to Amy's bracelet.<br>"You truly are the best husband in the world", Amy smiled and kissed him on the lips, "Thank you, Ty."

"You're welcome", Ty smiled.

* * *

><p>Every morning Ty woke up by the light snoring of his pregnant wife. He would look at her for a couple of minutes until she would wake up from his staring. Then he would kiss her good morning, kiss his unborn child threw the Amy's belly and had to wait a second to realize that this was actually happening. To Ty it sometimes felt like a week ago that he arrived at Heartland and now Heartland was his life with all the people belonging to it.<p>

"You are staring again", Amy whispered, not opening her eyes yet.

"Busted", Ty smiled and lay a hand on Amy's swollen baby bump.

"Good morning", Amy said in her raspy morning voice, slowly opening her eyes that needed some time to get used to the sunlight.  
>"How are you feeling?"<br>"Good. Baby was quiet tonight, no kicking", Amy smiled and sat up.

"That's good baby, let your mama have a good night sleep", Ty talked to Amy's stomach.

"Daaaad, why are you talking to mommy's belly?", Maylin interrupted the peaceful moment between the couple.

"Becaaaause there is a baby in there now", Ty said in the same voice Maylin had talked to him.

Without saying a word Amy lifted her side of the bedsheets and let her daughter crawl under it. "Here, feel that?" Amy asked Maylin, guiding her little hand to her baby bump.

"Yeah, is that the baby?" Maylin asked.

"Yes, it's kicking", Amy explained.

"Doesn't that hurt?" Maylin asked her mother with a worried face expression.

"No, not really. It's not always comfortable but not painful. You and your brother on the other hand were never still, that was quiet annoying at the end", Amy laughed.

"That's because May always wants to have all the space to herself", Jase complained. His blond her was standing in every direction, his teddy loosely dangling from his hand.

"Hey buddy, did you sleep well?" Ty ignored the complain. Jase was well known for NOT being a morning person. He always needed a little longer than the rest of the family to get in a good mood after waking up.

Jase joined his parents and sister in the bed and together they started their sunday morning very relaxing.

"So, how about breakfast in bed today?" Ty asked.

"Yeees, breakfast in bed", Jase and Maylin shouted out laughing. Ty looked at Amy as if asking her for the permission.

"Sounds great", she smiled.

And so half an hour later the four shared the bed with pancakes, waffles, sirup and orange juice.

"I wish everyday could be like this", Jase said, munching away his pancake, shmearing maple sirup all over Ty's and Amy's bed.

"Yeah", Maylin agreed.

* * *

><p><em>First of all: Thank you again for reviewing so kind and loyally! Even though I can see how many readers take their time for this story it is always especially nice to get a review - it pushes the writing and even influences it every once in a while. <em>

_As I have mentioned before in the next chapter a couple of things will change... _

_Take care everyone _


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Ty and Amy had spend a beautiful weekend outside with their children. Summer had past and the leaves turned orange and yellow. The air was clear and everyone was thankful for the still slightly warm sunshine to shine on their shoulders.

Maylin and Jase were learning to ride better and better from day to day and Amy had to tell her daughter and son over and over again that they were not allowed to go riding alone for the next couple of years. Amy remembered having the same discussion with her mother when she was that age.

Jack and Tim had partnered up and bought the twins two adorable Shetland ponies for their fourth birthday.

Nobody could get enough of watching Maylin and Jase ride around Heartland, beaming with happiness and pride with their little cowboyhats and boots. Even though Amy and Ty did the main job of teaching them riding Georgie had dedicated lots of her time to show her cousins some tricks.

Now Maylin and Jase were in bed and Ty and Amy were enjoying a cup of tea on the couch before going to bed themselves.

"Can you believe that my dad is moving in with Julia?" Amy asked. Her feet were resting on Ty's lap and he was gently massaging them.  
>"I know", he laughed, "but he seems really happy. And I think Julia is great, I can't believe she is putting up with him. I mean, we all know that he is really great, but", Ty started to save himself but Amy stopped him laughing: "I know what you mean. It is like everyone is...", Amy stopped a second to catch her breath.<br>"Are you OK?" Ty asked, noticing that Amy was getting paler by the second.

"Yeah, just... Uhm, what I was trying to say is that", Amy tried to get on with her sentence but out of nothing a sharp pain shot threw her stomach.  
>"Ouch", she whispered, dropping her cup of tea to the ground. Ty put her feet off his lap and was by her side a second later.<p>

"Amy, what's wrong?"  
>"I don't know", Amy whispered threw clenched teeth, "My stomach just started to hurt really bad."<br>"Just right now? Did it hurt all day?"  
>"No, no, it didn't", Amy said.<p>

"Where does it hurt?"  
>"Up here", Amy answered, meaning her upper abdomen.<p>

"Ty, something isn't right, I feel like my head is going to explode", Amy said, leaning back in the cushions, suddenly feeling to week to hold her body upright.

"Don't move", Ty ordered and rushed to find his phone. His mind was racing, if she had a headache maybe her pain didn't have anything to do with their baby, maybe it was just a bad case of flue, the baby would be fine but what if it wouldn't? His mind kept going to places Ty never wanted to go until he finally found his phone.

"Jack, it's Ty. Listen, can you come over real quick? I need to get Amy to the hospital, she is suddenly not feeling well and I think she really needs to see a doctor", Ty panicked.

"I'll be right there", Jack said, wide awake right away.

"What's wrong?" Lisa asked her husband in a sleepy voice. She just woke up by Jack's voice.

"Something is wrong with Amy and the baby, they are going to the hospital. They need us to watch the twins", Jack rushed to explain. Both of them were still in their pajamas while running over to Amy's and Ty's house.

Meanwhile Amy was feeling worse. Her heart was racing and the pain in her abdomen was not getting better. Ty knew that calling an ambulance would take more time than driving Amy himself so he got the stuff together he knew Amy would need and just as he changed into a jeans and T-Shirt Lisa and Jack arrived.

"Amy, what's going on?" Jack asked worried as he saw his granddaughter sweating and whimpering on the couch.  
>"I... I don't know", Amy whispered, "It feels like the worst stomach flue combined with a heart-attack", she said and then went silent again.<p>

"Yes.. Yes. No she is in really bad pain", Ty said. He was on the phone with Dr. Wild who was also Amy's midwife, "OK, we'll meet you there."

Then everything went very fast.

Ty carried her to the car and when it was clear that Amy couldn't handle the pain sitting Jack decided to ride the car while Ty would sit in the back of the car with Amy's head lying on his lap. Lisa stayed with Maylin and Jase who haven't woken up by the drama.

While lying on her husbands lap Amy was more scared than she had ever been. She felt like her body was torn apart, like a demon had possessed her body. She kept trying to feel if the baby was still moving, terrified that something had happened to her youngest child.

At the hospital Dr Wild was expecting Amy already. They put her on a stretcher and rushed her inside.

Ty ran with them, right by Amy's side.  
>"I'm so scared", Amy whispered to Ty, having a clear moment.<p>

"It's going to be OK, you are going to be all right", Ty answered, trying not to show his wife how scared he was himself.

By now a crowd of medical stuff was surrounding Amy and made it hard for Ty to stay right next to Amy.  
>"Ty, don't worry too much. It might just be a stomach bug", Dr Wild tried to calm Ty but her face said otherwise.<p>

"I'm sorry Mr Borden, but I need to ask you to leave the room for now, we are going to do some tests ", a nurse said, trying to lead Ty out of the room.  
>"I won't be in the way, I promise", Ty begged, "I don't want her to be alone."<p>

The nurse sighted but let him stay for now. Ty kneed down next to Amy's head and stroke her loose hair out of her face.

"It's going to be OK", he kept whispering.

"It hurts so much", Amy whimpered. The doctors gave her something against the pain but it didn't help much.

"Hang in there", Ty whispered.

"Don't let them do anything to our baby", Amy whispered before she let the doctors take control over her body and prayed for her babies life until her vision started to blur.

Ty ran up and down the waiting room, not able to stand still for a second.

Jack on the other hand sat on one of the chairs, not moving at all. Neither of them felt like they could breath.

"They shouldn't have kicked me out, she shouldn't be in there alone", Ty cursed.  
>"You'll just get in the way, she is in good hands", Jack responded automatically without feeling anything of the calmness he was trying to exude.<p>

"Oh my god, Jack, I'm going nuts. I can't stand this, I can't do this", Ty was rambling in panic. Jack got up and instead of saying another word pulled Ty into a bear-hug.

"It's going to be fine", Jack whispered when Ty broke down in the arms of his father-in-law.

They stayed in that position until Dr Wild got to them.

"Ty, Amy seems to suffer from the HELLP-Syndome. That's the worst case of a toxemia of pregnancy and very serious. Ty, you need to make a decision: Your wife's life is seriously at risk. Her blood pressure is way too high, her liver isn't functioning right, her kidney is starting to fail. Our options are very limited. We should deliver the baby as soon as possible", Dr Wild rushed to say.

"What, NO! It's way too early, the baby isn't ready", Ty panicked.

"I know. We will do everything we can to save your child but right now we can't say how much longer Amy will hang in there. If her body shuts down you'll loose both", Dr Wild explained fast.

"Oh my god. Oh my god", Ty whispered, "Amy would do everything for the kids. She wouldn't want this. She would never put her own life before theirs, she would never put her life before anyone."  
>"This is the only realistic way to have a chance to save both. Amy will not survive this pregnancy much longer and that way neither will your unborn child", Dr Wild said again.<p>

Ty took a deep breath, trying to wrap his head around what happened, trying to think like Amy would. "OK, OK, do it. Please, save them, don't let them die. Please", Ty begged.

"I'll do everything I can", Dr Wild promised and left.

Jack and Ty froze until the nurse came to explain to them that the HELLP-Syndrome makes Amy's red blood cells to break down, liver enzymes to elevate and her platelet count dangerously low. Until the baby is born there is no way the mother's body could recover.

"Because of the high blood pressure and organ failure the Dr Wild might place Mrs Fleming in an artificial coma so that her body can recover better", the nurse finished explaining.

"What about the baby?"  
>"Your wife is only 23 weeks along. I can not tell you anything about the baby's condition right now, the chances of a fetus surviving at this age lays under 50%. If your child survives you might have to face severe multiple disabilities. But right now I don't want you to worry about that. Right now you need to concentrate on your wife and child to survive the next hours, OK?"<p>

Ty nodded, feeling like the weight of the world was laid on his shoulders.

"But what happens with the baby now? When it gets out?" Jack asked.

"The child is at serious risk for a cerebral hemorrhage due to very thin vessels, the lounge isn't developed enough for the baby to breath on it's own, the liver isn't ready to handle the toxicants – the doctors will do everything in there power to save your child Mr. Borden", the nurse said with a sad smile.

"Oh my god", Ty whispered, understanding that the nurse is trying not to give him any false hope. Even if Amy is going to be OK his decision to allow the doctors to get the baby out today might kill it.

"Ty, you had no choice", Jack said to him, laying his hand on Ty's shoulder, "If they wouldn't deliver the baby now, you would have lost both of them. We would have lost both. Don't loose hope, you heard her: There is a chance that both are going to be fine."

Ty nodded, staring in the air. His heart was beating fast and he felt like he needed to throw up. Ty quickly got up and rushed to the next bin where he emptied his stomach.

Then Jack's phone rang. Lou was calling.  
>"Grandpa, what's going on?"<p>

"Lou... I...", Jack couldn't say it, "I think it might be best if you come here", he said and then his voice failed.

Not much later Lou joined her Grandfather and Ty in the waiting room. Peter had stayed with the children.

Only minutes after Lou arrived the nurse came back: "Mr Borden?"  
>"Yes?" Ty quickly got up.<p>

"It's a girl", the nurse announced.  
>"How is she?"<br>"She weights 430 gram and is 27 cm long. The doctors are doing everything they can in order for her to survive in an incubator. Your wife is going to be out of surgery soon."  
>"How is Amy?"<br>"Dr Wild will give you an update about her conditions as soon as she gets out of the OR."

"Thank you", Jack said on Ty's behalf as the nurse left them.

"Oh, wait", Lou suddenly stopped her from leaving, "When can we see them?"  
>"You will be able to visit Mrs Fleming soon."<p>

"I can't believe this is happening. This morning everything was fine and now... I should have paid better attention to her, she was pale all day, I should have...", Ty stopped talking when tears came to his eyes.

Back at Heartland Maylin and Jase just woke up.

They were surprised to see Lisa sitting on their couch instead of their parents.

"Where are mom and dad?" Jase asked right away. Lisa hadn't heard them get up and turned around, cursing herself for the tears that had run down her cheeks. Sitting helpless in the house had almost made her go crazy.

"Hey you two, you are up", Lisa tried to smile.

"Why are you crying?" Maylin asked.

"Come on you two", Lisa ordered and each twin sat down on one of her legs.

"So, your momma hat a bit of a scare tonight so she and daddy had to go to the doctors", Lisa told them as gentle as possible.  
>"Why was she scared?" Jase asked not understanding what was happening.<br>"Well, her stomach started to hurt and because the baby was inside her she and daddy thought it might be best to let a doctor check out why she was in pain."

"Is the baby out of mommy's belly now?" Maylin asked.  
>"Yes, the baby is out now. It's a little girl", Lisa said.<br>"Oh, I KNEW it was going to be a girl", Maylin smiled but then stopped, "Then why are you crying? Isn't it a good thing that the baby is there?"

Lisa knew that Amy and Ty always wanted to be as honest as possible with their children so she told them the truth: "Well, you know, the baby wasn't supposed to come for the next three months. It is important to stay in the belly as long as possible because if a baby is born too early it might not be able to live on it's own."  
>"So is she dead?" Jase asked with big sad eyes.<p>

"No, no, she is not dead. But they don't know yet if she is going to be as healthy one day as you two are."

"And mommy?" Maylin asked.

"Don't worry too much now", Lisa tried to stop the twins from thinking that they are going to loose their mom.

"But is she OK?" Jase kept asking.  
>"You know, she wasn't feeling very well because she was sick. But now the baby is out she is going to be much better but she needs a lot of sleep and rest to do so."<p>

"Did the baby make her sick?" Jase asked.

Lisa sighted: "It wasn't the baby's fault. It was nobody's fault that this happened – some things are just not in our hands, you know?"  
>"OK", Maylin said quiet, "When is she coming home?"<p>

"I think she will need to stay at the hospital for a little while, May. The doctors need to take good care of your mom."

And then it hit Maylin and Jase that their mother was really sick. They were too young to fully understand the situation but smart enough to realize that something serious is happening that made their mom sick.

Big tears started to roll down their cheeks and Lisa didn't do anything else but pulled both children into a soothing hug.

After a while the tears stopped running down their little faces and Lisa decided to make them chocolate chip pancakes while they got dressed.

When the kids got back to the kitchen Jase said: "We want to go see mommy."  
>"Why don't we eat first?" Lisa suggested, knowing that it wasn't the best thing for Maylin and Jase to see their mother in her frightening condition.<br>"No, we want to see her now", Maylin demanded.  
>"You can't see her now, honey", Lisa said patiently. This was so heartbreaking that she had to fight against the tears that were swimming in her eyes.<p>

"But why", Jase started crying again and Lisa explained the whole situation again.

_Yes,_Lisa thought, _Why... _

Hello dear readers, I'm sorry it took me so long to update this story. As a matter of fact this chapter had been ready for weeks but I always felt like it wasn't at it's best but now I'm just going to post it because other wise I probably never will. For me personally it is hard to write about this matter - there is a lot to do wrong butI try to write Amy's and Ty's reactions in character.  
>Anyway, I hope you'll "stay with me"<br>Take care everyone


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

* * *

><p>Ty was barely ever at home. He barely saw Maylin and Jase. If you couldn't find him by Amy's side you would find him by his little girls side. They didn't even have a name for her yet. He always called her little girl. That's not a name... She deserved a name.<p>

They would say: "She is doing better", and tell him all about the medical stuff that regarded his daughter. Ty was a veterinarian, he knew all about animal babies. But he couldn't follow the doctor's words.

They would say: "She had a little set back today, but don't give up now."

Amy was still asleep. Dr Wild said that she was doing very well, her liver started to work again, so did her kidney. But they should wait a little longer until they waking her up. Just in case...

Ty looked like a homeless person. He didn't eat, he didn't sleep, he didn't shave. Jack brought him a new Shirt and new pants every day but he still looked as if he would need to lay down in one of the hospital beds himself.

Everyone came by every day. Amy was never alone. But still she was isolated in her own body.

It was Lou who forced Ty to have a shower.

"I can't Lou. I can't leave", Ty said.

"I know. But I'm here with Amy and Grandpa is with the baby. They are OK right now. You need to clean yourself up, Ty, you need to think about May and Jase too. You are not alone in this, Ty. It is hard enough for them as it is but seeing you like this doesn't make it better. Go home, take an hour and then come back. I will call you if anything changes around here."

"Fine", Ty gave in, not able to discuss this anymore. He was back after 45 minutes.

The little girl was tiny. Not more then a handful and tubes covered her fragile body. Her skin was thin as paper but still Ty thought she was the most beautiful baby.

He wasn't allowed to hold her yet but he would scoop her tiny head in one of his hands, he sang her songs and told her stories about the life at Heartland that was waiting for her.

A day past and then two and then a week.

"It's time", Dr Wild said, coming into Amy's room.

"For what?" Ty asked.

"We can wake her up. She is ready."

"OK... Uhm, I", Ty couldn't think straight but somehow he felt like he was able to breath for the first time.

"She will be disorientated and probably won't know what was going on. It would be better that there is only one person in the room when she wakes up and we need to tell her very carefully what happened."  
>"OK", Ty nodded.<p>

Jack had been sitting in an armchair that was standing in a corner and left the room without a word, wiping away a tear. He was too touched to say a word and walked to his youngest great-grand-daughter to tell her the good news that her mother was going to be OK.

But that was going to be a long way.

When Amy finally opened her eyes she was unable to focus. Her eyes wandered around the room without depreciating.

"Hey honey", Ty whispered, "it's so good to see you awake."

"Good to see you", Dr Wild said in a clear voice, "Amy, I know you want to go back to sleep but it is really important that you open your eyes now. Can you look at me? Amy, look at me."  
>And so Amy looked at her doctor.<p>

"Amy, do you know where you are?" Dr Wild asked.

Amy tried to speak but her voice wouldn't follow her orders so she slightly shook her head.

"You are in the hospital. You were not feeling well and the baby was at risk so we had to do an emergency c-section. Your organs started to shut down so we placed you into an artificial coma until you got better. That was a week ago. Your baby girl is a little fighter, Amy", Dr Wild explained the situation as simple as possible.

"No", Amy whispered.

"I'm so sorry", Ty whispered as he took her hand into his. But Amy didn't look at him. She kept staring at the ceiling, feeling like her heart got ripped out of her chest. She was in more pain then she had ever been and no physical injury could compete with that pain.

Amy was heartbroken.  
>"We can't give up, now", Ty kept whispering, "She is not doing bad. Here, look at her", Ty showed Amy a picture he had taken with his phone.<p>

Amy looked then a tear escaped her eye.

"We need a name for her, but I couldn't do it alone", Ty kept talking, hoping to get a reaction from his wife. She didn't look at him.

"Amy", Ty started crying, "please."

* * *

><p>Ty was relieved to know that Amy was up and her chances of surviving were getting better and better. Until now his bad conscious had almost killed him, he couldn't stop blaming himself for what has happened, for allowing the doctors to deliver their girl this early even though he knew it was the right thing to do. But he also knew that Amy would rather have given her own life for her child's and he was terribly afraid that she will blame him for putting her first.<p>

Ty didn't know what to do. He looked at his wife and wasn't sure whether he would ever see the love in her eyes again. He wasn't even sure if she would ever talk to him again. And he wasn't blaming her. He tried to make the right decision and still he felt like their tragedy wasn't punishment enough.

Amy kept staring at the ceiling, no word has escaped her mouth ever since she has woken up. Tears had been rolling down her cheeks but other then that she might as well be still asleep with her eyes open.

Amy wasn't even able to think. She lay in her hospital bed, trying to concentrate to understand but her mind was so fuzzy. She was glad that her husband with her but she had the urge to send him to their daughter who needed him more. But she didn't know how to communicate with him at that moment. She just couldn't.

Amy's condition got better though. She slept for hours and when she woke up again, with her grandpa by her side, her mind was much more capable of understanding the situation what made it even harder.

* * *

><p>"Amy, you're up", Jack whispered.<p>

"Hey", she whispered back, still getting used to talking again.

"How are you feeling?"  
>"How is she?" Amy asked instead of answering the question.<br>"She is OK. Not having a good day, but that varies every hour to be honest. She is a fighter, just like her mom", Jack smiled sadly.  
>"I need to see her."<p>

"I don't know if you are allowed to get out of bed already", Jack answered.

"I need to see her", Amy insisted.  
>"Amy, you just got out of the coma, I-", Jack tried to say but Amy interrupted him: "I need to see her."<p>

"I'll get a doctor", Jack gave in.

Because nobody knew how long the little girl would be able to stay with them they prepped Amy in a wheelchair to see her daughter.

Amy's body was hurting, she was tired and everything inside of her screamed _go back to bed _when she sat down in the wheelchair. But no word escaped her mouth when Ty pushed threw the corridors, one step closer to their daughter with every step he took.

Amy and Ty haven't been talking – there was just nothing to say. They felt the same pain but none of them could express their fear.

Soon Amy finally saw her daughter for the first time and at last she talked to her husband: "Ty, she is so tiny. Look at her", she whispered.

"I know", Ty said and lay a hand on her shoulder.  
>"All those tubes", Amy cried.<br>"They are keeping her alive though."  
>"I know! I know... This is just hard. Can I touch her?"<br>"Yeah, here, take that to clean your hands", Ty gave her the germicide and showed her how she could get her hand in the incubator the best way.

Finally Amy touched her little girl.

"Hey baby. You are so beautiful, you know that. Don't you give up. Don't you give up", Amy whispered.

"She really needs a name", Amy said after a while.

"I was thinking about something that will remind us about her strength. I don't want to sound cheesy but she has been fighting so much every since her birth that I", Ty started to justify himself but as it turns out it wasn't necessary.

"I know what you mean. I think it's a good idea", Amy stopped him from rambling.

"I have been talking about it with Ethan and I understand if you want to find a name alone but he mentioned the name Carlotta what means _strong one _and I just really like it", Ty was so unsure about how to behave around Amy that he couldn't hide.

"I like that too", Amy smiled trying to show Ty that she was still the same, "how about Carlotta Hope?"  
>"Carlotta Hope it is", Ty smiled, "We really outdid ourselves with that one", Ty tried joking and Amy chuckled barely hearable.<p>

"Hello little Carly", Amy very gently stroke her daughter, "Or do you want to be called Lotta? Carlotta is a pretty big name for such a little girl but one day you will grow into it baby girl."

The time past and way too soon after Amy's opinion she was forced to lay down again. Amy was getting stronger so a day after Amy saw her daughter for the first time Ty started to tell her what was on his mind: "Amy, when you got into hospital you weren't able to make any decision anymore and then Dr Wild told me that Carlotta would have to be delivered in order to save you. I know that you would never put your own life before our children but I... I just hope you'll forgive me... I just want you to know", Ty started to stutter and Amy lay her hand on his.

"I just want you to know that I can't live without you and that Carlotta wouldn't have had a chance with you... With something happening to you."  
>"I really appreciate it that you are telling me this, Ty. And you are right, some part of me wants to blame you for this but that's not because I really think that you did something wrong but because I need to be mad at someone because... because this just isn't fair", a tear escaped Amy's eye, followed by more, "It's not fair that Carlotta needs to be fighting for her life like this and it's not fair that you had to go threw this alone. I want to blame you, I want to blame myself for not noticing that something is wrong. But now we just have to focus on our little girl to be OK", Amy smiled sadly.<p>

"How can you be so strong", Ty asked his wife very seriously.

"Because we can't afford not to be", Amy whispered before drifting of to sleep.

* * *

><p>The next day Ty was with his daughter when Jack took Maylin and Jase to see their mother for the first time. It has been almost two weeks since they have seen her last but nobody thought it was a good idea to see their mother as fragile as she was and since Amy was getting better and was out of danger it was time for them to be reunited with her. Besides, Amy had been longing for her son and daughter.<p>

"So you two, before you go in there you need to listen to me, OK", Jack held them back on their arms gently before they stormed into Amy's room, "You mom was really sick, right? She is getting better now and she will be playing with you at home in no time so you don't need to worry about her at all. But you need to be very quiet and don't jump around her because she is still very tired from her illness and not yet the same she was before. There are some tubes that sort of come out of her body, for example to help her get air better, they only help her, they don't hurt, OK?"  
>Jase and Maylin nodded, both appearing to be quiet exited.<p>

"OK, Grandpa", Jase nodded.

"Yes, OK", Maylin agreed.  
>"Can we see her now?" Jase asked.<p>

"Yes", Jack nodded and took Maylin's and Jase's hand.

"Hey mommy", Jase whispered shyly as they entered Amy's room.  
>"Hey you two", Amy beamed, "I have missed you so much. Come here", she demanded and pulled them both in for a hug.<br>"Are you going to be OK?" Maylin asked, eyeballing the surroundings skeptical.

"Yes. I promise", Amy said and stroke her over the blond curls, "So how have you been?"  
>Maylin and Jase kept on talking for minutes until Maylin asked: "Can we see Carlotta too?"<p>

"Well, she is still in the incubator and not doing very well these day sadly", Amy said, hiding her tears, trying to be strong for her children. It was true, the doctors said that Carlotta still had a very hard time adjusting to the life outside her mother's womb and that her organs just wont function right. The risk of a cerebral bleeding was dangerously high.

"So, is she going to die now?" Jase asked straight forward. Ty had talked about the possibility of their sister passing away a couple of days ago because he and Amy felt like it would be impossible for them to understand the situation if the future isn't going to be as bright as intended.

"No, no", Jack jumped in, "never loose hope, to you hear me?"  
>"OK", Jase nodded as if he understood what that meant.<br>"So, I want to know everything that has been going on at Heartland", Amy demanded with a forced smile.

* * *

><p>Amy got better, her liver and kidney started to work again, she didn't need the dialysis anymore and she lost the yellow color that had been caused by the liver failure.<p>

Carlotta's condition was still uncertain. Amy was allowed to see her whenever she pleased to and Ty didn't need to make the difficult decision whether he should be with his sick wife or daughter anymore.

But all the praying, all the wishing and all the hope didn't work it's magic. One night Amy was woken up by a nurse and Ty got the phone call he has dreaded all along. He was sleeping at home since a couple of days know his phone always turned as loud as possible.

He woke up right away when it rang.

It was the hospital.

"Mr Borden?"  
>"Is something wrong?"<br>"You should come to the hospital."  
>"Now?"<br>"Carlotta had a cerebral hemorrhage."  
>"A what?"<br>"A brain bleed. She is not... She is not doing well."  
>"I'll be right there."<p>

At the hospital Amy was already up.

"Ty", she cried out when she saw her husband coming. Amy sat in a wheelchair in front of the NICU.  
>"What is going on?" Ty asked, kneeing down in front of Amy.<p>

"She has a brain bleed", Amy cried. Ty couldn't keep it together, not even for Amy. He started crying. Amy had never seen him like this and it made her clear that this was worse than ever before.  
>"We can't give up", Amy sobbed. Ty nodded, embracing her.<p>

"Amy? Ty?" the pediatrician walked towards them. Amy and Ty had spend so much time with the medical stuff that everyone knew everyone's name by now.

"Yes?"  
>"Carlotta had a massive cerebral hemorrhage. As we discussed before mild brain bleeds are not as dangerous for premature babies. But Carlotta suffered a very serious bleed. We tried everything. I'm so sorry. But... I'm afraid you should be with your daughter right now."<br>"No", Amy clasped the wheelchair's handles.

Ty said nothing. His face went white and his knees awfully weak.

"Is there nothing we can do? Please don't give up on her doctor. Please", Ty started begging.

"Come on", Dr Roberts said gently and led them towards the room without answering Ty's question right away.

Most of the tubes were gone now. She didn't need them anymore.

"Amy, Ty, I know that this decision is impossible to make. But you need to consider taking Carlotta off the life support. Her brain won't recover. I always told you that I will be honest with you so I'm telling you now that what ever happens now is distress and suffering for your daughter without an outcome. I'm so sorry", she repeated herself professional enough to keep it together but too human to stay absolutely functional at that point.

"Ty, I...", Amy whispered. He looked at her and then at their daughter. She was so small. Just a hand full.

"Yes", he whispered back, knowing what she was trying to say, "We will... We don't want her to suffer", Ty said to Dr Roberts, a tear streaming down his cheek.

"OK."

Amy and Ty were led into a room with a bed that fit both of them. Carlotta was taken off life support. They said she would be able to survive for a couple of minutes.

Amy held her in her arms and Ty held both of his girls in his. They were crying.

"I love you so, so much, little girl", Amy whispered, "but you can go now. Getting to know you was the best thing that happened to us and where you are going now is going to be a better place for you. Your grandmas will be waiting for you and we will always be with you", Amy cried.

Ty stroke over Carlotta's nose: "Yes, you won't be alone sweet girl. We will always love you and no day will pass without us thinking about you I promise you that."

And then Carlotta opened her eyes once as if she tried to say "I love you too". Then she closed her eyes and never opened them again.

Amy and Ty were able to hold her as long as they wanted to. They stayed with their daughter for hours. She finally looked like she had found peace, no tubes, no wires sticking out of her body. Amy and Ty shed tears until there were no tears left. Their hearts felt so full and empty at the same time, the pain was worse than anything they had ever experienced.

* * *

><p>"NO! NO, no, no! That can't be, this can't be happening!"<br>"Jack? JACK! Wake up!" Lisa ordered her dreaming husband to leave his nightmare behind him.  
>"This can't be happening", Jack still whispered.<br>"It's not", Lisa sat up on her side of the bed, "everything is going to be OK, do you hear me? The girls are going to be fine."

And then it hit Jack. He had been dreaming. It was a nightmare. Nothing more.  
>Then his phone rang...<p>

* * *

><p><em>Hey everybody, <em>

_thank you for all the reviews I received for the last chapters, I appreciate them all and I hope that lots of them will come. _

_Now, back to this fanfiction: Lets just say I had different plans and then I couldn't pull through. So, every input from your side is very welcome and I will take my time to figure out where this storyline is going myself._

_Plus I would like to ask you all how you like the new Heartland season? Why do they keep splitting Ty and Amy up at this point? Shouldn't their relationship be strong enough to handle a kiss from Ahmed? Very frustrating! _


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Jack was still too caught in his dream to pick up his phone so Lisa took the call instead. There was no caller ID. "Hello?"  
>"Jack?"<br>"No, this is Lisa Stillman", Lisa explained still in a sleepy voice.  
>"It's me, Tim!"<br>"Tim? Why are you calling in the middle of the night? Where are you?"  
>Now Jack was awake and looked at his wife with a questioning look on his face.<br>"That's kind of a long story", Tim lulled.  
>"Are you drunk?" Lisa asked, getting mildly annoyed.<br>"Can you pick me up, please?" Tim asked instead of answering Lisa's question.  
>Lisa turned the phone on speaker so that Jack could hear what the father of his granddaughters was saying.<br>"I'm in jail", Tim explained, screaming into his phone at that point.  
>"What? Why?"<br>"I told you, it's a long story. Can you just come and pick me up?"  
>"Where exactly are you?" Lisa asked and then Tim told her where he was..<p>

"Since when is he drinking again?" Lisa asked Jack, sitting on her side of the bed while Jack was lying on his back, feeling no urge at all to leave his comfortable bed, especially after his nerve-wracking dream.

"Since today, I guess", he grunted, "You know, the right thing to do is to leave him in there for a night."  
>"He's not a teenager, Jack. We don't need to teach him a lesson right now", Lisa commented while getting out of the bed and putting on clothes. It was obvious that Jack had no intention of getting up.<br>"His daughter and granddaughter are in hospital, fighting for their life and what is Tim doing? Getting drunk. That fool", Jack murmured.  
>"Go to sleep, I'll handle it", Lisa stopped the discussion, not feeling like having an argument with her husband in the middle of the night. She had a long day in front of her and just wanted to be home as soon as possible.<p>

The sun was already starting to rise when Lisa finally dropped Tim of at his place. By then he was as good as sober again and felt bad for calling Jack and Lisa in the middle of the night.  
>"Thank you, Lisa", he said as he opened the car's door.<br>"You're welcome", Lisa smiled tiredly, "next time, call before you get drunk somewhere and try to drive home by yourself. God knows what would have happened if the police wouldn't have stopped you!"  
>"Yeah", was all that Tim could say, "Thanks again." Then Julia, Tim's girlfriend appeared on the doorsteps of the house and Tim knew immediately that he was in trouble.<p>

At the hospital Amy was impatiently waiting for Ty, Maylin and Jase to arrive. The doctor has been with her that morning and told her that if all of the test results of that day were clear, she was finally able to go home.  
>It has been three weeks since she hasn't slept in her own bed, hasn't been around at Heartland and even if it didn't feel right for her to leave Carlotta alone in the hospital she was exhausted by staying in the hospital bed for so long - and of course she would be by her baby's side every day anyway.<p>

"Hey mommy", a high, cute children's voice, belonging to Maylin, said while the door opened slowly.  
>"Hello sweethearts", Amy smiled as her family was walking in.<br>"How are you feeling?" Ty asked as he kissed his wife on her forehead.  
>"Pretty good", Amy kept smiling, "actually, if all the test results come back clear, you can take me home today!"<br>"Oh my god, that's amazing", Ty beamed and kissed her on the mouth once more.  
>"Did you hear that?" He asked the twins who were busy unpacking their little backpacks. Since they all have spent many hours at the hospital, Maylin and Jase have made it a habit to bring toys and games with them in case it gets boring.<br>"What?" Jase asked, barely looking up from his book.  
>"Mommy might be coming home tonight", Ty repeated.<br>"And the baby?" Maylin looked up.  
>"No, Carlotta will need to stay here much longer", Amy explained, "it's just going to be me."<br>"I think that's really good because then we can make everything ready for Lotta, right?" Maylin smiled and crawled under the blanket next to Amy.  
>"Right", Ty smiled.<br>Then Amy slowly changed out of her pajama into comfortable clothes and the family made their way to see Carlotta. There Carlotta's pediatrician Dr Wilder informed Amy and Ty with all the recent news that regarded their daughter.  
>"She is doing really well at the moment. The lungs are developing very fine, she is putting on weight, she has started to open her eyes – these are all things a baby should be doing at 26 weeks. Right now the most important thing is that she keeps taking all the steps a baby needs to take in order to develop fully. Hopefully next week Carlotta will start to regulate her body temperature, her lungs should keep getting stronger. As you know, it's still a long way to go."<br>"But it sounds like she is doing really well", Ty smiled.  
>"She is exactly where she should be", Dr Wilder smiled as well while Amy glanced at her youngest with pride in her eyes. "How are you doing?" Dr Wilder asked Amy. Her main job was to take care of the children but Dr Wilder liked to get a picture of the parents state every once in a while since they were going threw every parents nightmare.<br>"Fine", Amy answered, "I'm just glad Carlotta is doing so good."  
>"You are probably going to be released soon, right?" Dr Wilder asked.<br>"Yeah", Amy smiled.  
>"That's great", Dr Wilder said and then excused herself.<p>

"Can you believe it?" Amy said while carefully stroking Carlotta's tiny hand, "Two weeks ago we thought there might not be a tomorrow and now I'm already dreaming of having her home on Christmas."  
>"Don't get your hopes up too high, honey. As long as she is having Christmas at home next year and gets stronger now, everything will be good. Are you sure you are OK?" Ty asked concerned as Amy slowly sat down on the armchair that stood next to the incubator.<br>"Yes, I'm fine. Really, don't look at me light that", Amy laughed, "I'm just a bit tired, that's all."  
>"Maybe we should get you back to your room", Ty said and was already indicating to get Maylin's and Jase's attention who were currently having a blast in the hallway with one of the hospital's interns.<br>"Ty, relax. I'm fine, remember? I'm going to be released today."  
>"That doesn't mean you are 100% yourself again and you know it", Ty argued. Amy sighted: "Lets not argue about this, OK? I promise you, I won't do anything that is going that is going to risk my health, believe me, I have spent more time in the hospital than I can bear."<br>"I know."  
>"Lets concentrate on our kids now, please?"<br>"OK", Ty gave in and kissed Amy on the top of her head.  
>Then both of them started to stare at their daughter. She still didn't weight much more than a pack of flour, but the nurse pointed out that she was now developing fingerprints and footprints what made Amy weirdly proud. It felt like her daughter was really shaping a real identity. She had bright blue eyes that were open a couple of seconds every once in a while now. Most of the time her eyes were covered by a thin cloth though, so that the light wouldn't blind her.<br>"It's so weird that we can't even hold her. Remember when May and Jase were born? You were never without a baby in your arms back then", Amy said after a while.  
>"Yeah, I remember. I was so proud. Just as I am now - look at our little fighter, she is going to be a tough nut to crack once she is a teenager", Ty joked.<br>"Well, I handled you, I'm good at cracking tough nuts", Amy laughed.  
>"If she is going to be anything like you, Jase and I might need some support to survive Carlotta, May and you."<br>Amy chuckled: "No way, that's all you get. You can have a dog if that helps you."  
>"Lets get some lunch, May and Jase must be hungry", Ty murmured.<p>

Back at Heartland Lisa finally woke up. She had been sleeping again after she drove Tim home form jail and now noticed that she slept through three meetings that she should have participated.  
>"Damned", she cursed and quickly got out of her pajamas.<br>In the kitchen Jack was going threw the mail.  
>"Jack, why didn't you wake me?" Lisa complained.<br>"Because you had two hours of sleep last night and maybe four the nights before – human beings need sleep in order to function, Lisa."  
>"If you are so concerned about my sleeping habits then you could have gotten up yourself tonight to pick up Tim. Now I have missed three meetings", Lisa kept complaining.<br>"I told them that you wouldn't be able to come and that they should postpone."  
>"You did?" Lisa asked surprised, sitting down with a coffee on the other side of the small kitchen table.<br>"Of course I did", Jack murmured in his deep voice, "I'm sorry I let you drive tonight. I was just so mad at Tim that I didn't think straight."  
>"Well, anyway, you are forgiven."<br>"So, what did he do?"  
>"Tim? He drank and drove and got caught", Lisa explained very shortly.<br>"That idiot. Has two daughters, five grandchildren and a girlfriend that need him and he still doesn't know what it takes to take care of a family."  
>"Why are you being so hard on him?" Lisa asked, seriously wondering why Jack was absolutely not tolerating Tim's mistake at all, while he probably wouldn't react that badly if it would concern anyone else in the family.<br>"Hard? This guy has been down that road once before! I can't believe he is drinking again! With everything that has been going on."  
>"It must be hard on him too, you know. His daughter almost didn't make it, his granddaughter is still fighting for her life – he is still an addict, trying to do the best he can."<br>"Well, this time his best wasn't good enough."  
>"Do you think he's really going down that road again?"<br>"Honestly, I don't know", Jack answered, "But for everyone's sake – I hope not."  
>"He has Julia this time. She might be able to keep him on a good path."<br>"Yeah", Jack agreed without convincing Lisa.

Then the phone rang again.  
>"I'll get it", Jack said and took the call.<br>"Ty, hi. - Really? - Oh, that's great. - Yeah, we will. - OK. - Yes. - Thank you, Ty. - See you later, bye."

"What's going on?" Lisa asked after Jack hung up.  
>"Amy is going to be released today", Jack answered.<br>"Oh my god, that is amazing", Lisa smiled.

_Hello everyone, _

_thank you for waiting so long for this chapter, I have been really busy but I'm not letting this story down!_

_Horselover2014: Sorry it took me so long to answer, but I don't have Pinterest right now. Thank you though for your nice review. _

_mistral604: You commented a while ago, but I just wanted to say that I know where you are coming from and I had a totally different path for this story in mind and change it absolutely last minute. _

_And everyone else: Thank you for your continuing support, I LOVE your reviews so much, they mean a lot ( I mean - if there would be no readers sharing whether or not they like the story there would be no reason to update them, right:)?)  
>I hope you are happy with a rather happy chapter! <em>

_I agree with most of you, that this season had quiet a rough start - lets see where that is going to lead us and until then we will just read all those great story's at Fanfiction. _

_If anyone of you has any wishes for this storyline, feel free to write them down and I'll do my best to integrate them, right now I'm very open to other ideas. _

_Have a wonderful Christmas time everyone _


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